The Empty Space In My Consciousness

The special someone.

2009-06-28T15:15:00.002+08:00

It has been ages since i've blogged. And only a special event and a special someone can bring my lazy butt to blog.

This special someone has been through alot with me. Enduring my nonsense and attitude, giving me advice and her loving words, providing me comfort when I needed her most, and just gave me love. For that I truly love her.

For 4 years sayang, you have been by my side. I do not know how else to live. I cant remember the time I was single and alone, and I grateful that i am blessed to have you. I dont know why I am so priviledged to be with you, but i always try not to disappoint you,and although i have done alot of things that have hurt your feelings, you have always had the bigger heart and forgave me for all my stupidity and arrogance.

For 4 years, there have been rough patches, lots of crying, screaming, some regrettable words used, alot of heartache. But that same 4 years, I learned the softness of you heart and being, the love a woman like you can give to me, that being with you provides me warmth and happiness, and that I am nothing without you, absolutely nothing.

I cant give you the world. But I have always been a man of my word. I promise to take care of you,not to hurt you, give you the love you deserve, and be the man that you can depend on.

I love you. I really do. Every day is a blessing to wake up and know I have you even when the odds are against me.

Happy 4 years anniversary Nurain Binte Rahmat. And thank you. For everything.

Yet another checkpoint.

2009-03-14T12:38:00.002+08:00

Finally, after 3 years, another end of the road for me, and hopefully another road will lead to somewhere else.

After 3 years, I have managed to achieve something I badly wanted to do in ITE; to get a diploma. And after seeing my results, it has been an anti climax really, I don't feel too elated, yet I do feel a little lost. Maybe its because I'm compartmentalising my feelings, or maybe its just that I am relieved that the 3 years have passed by without much problems and roadblocks. I didn't do very well in poly, but I didn't do badly either.

Of all the benefits bestowed on me in poly, the most valuable thing I have learned is the power of human relationships i.e friendship. These 3 years would have been demoralising and downright nasty had it not been for my friends. My friends are the one that gave me an outlet to express myself, help me to check out from the hustle and bustle of school life and just be themselves and entertain me. Ever since the first day of school until now, I can safely say that there has never been a single day whereby i'm not with at least one of my friends. Its just cool that a group of strangers can come together and find commonalities in all of us, which was of course, crapping, and just having a great time.

The one single regret I have when I look back is not getting to know them even more. I remember when I was in year one, where I would go home for breaks and not mingling with them outside school. Only when I was in year 2 did I start being social.

When I had breaks I would source for them, in lectures I would talk and get into trouble with them, in classes I would sit with them. I should have done all that in year one.

As much as I'd like to say that we all will make the effort to keep in touch, chances are, all of us will drift apart, moving on with our lives and have 1001 different worries. But that's normal, and it wont be held against anyone of us to not being able to keep in touch. The best thing to have now is our memories of one another, and the pictures we have that captured the specific times in our lives that we kept each other company.

This has been one of the best times in my life. But we all move on. Just never forget where we came from, and the friends that we made.

The one constant in my life over the 3 years is Ain. The one by my side throughout the years. I am very grateful, and realise a gem of a person I have with me.

I will miss walking to school every morning for the past 3 years.
I will miss the times in the LT's, with us being boisterous.
I will miss watching you guys playing cards at AITAS.
I will miss all the name calling, you mama jokes, the punching and hitting, the visits to Al Majlis, disturbing every single one of you.

Life's been great.

hurt

2008-12-08T23:17:00.002+08:00

Pain that took so long to heal surfaced once again.

A man's ultimate showing of his love is when he is comfortable enough to show his vulnerabilities, weaknesses and fears to the ones he cherishes. And for that to be used against him is a betrayal of his trust. If he is made to feel ashamed about it, then that is a shame in itself. For it to be used as a weapon to hurt someone hurts on its own.

Walls that took so long to bring down are up in an instant. Now it's hard to bring them down again.

Its hard to be the same again.

The cruels of love.

Checkpoint.

2008-11-29T12:01:00.001+08:00

Another checkpoint comes to an end in my life. Ever since i joined TP, i dreaded the SIP simply because i am risk averse and like the familiar. SIP presents a set of challenges that i thought would make it hard for me. But its surprising that with a little support from ain and a very very positive attitude adpoted, how 12 weeks can pass by really fast.

I will miss the interactions with the staff there, from the executive director to the cleaner aunty. I talked to everyone there, made friends with all of them, and found out when you are working around friends, things just seems much more fun.

I will not miss waking up early.
I will not miss the morning train and bus rush.
I will miss the macdonalds breakfast.
I will miss rita's 'sad sad'.
I will miss Kah Ngee's 'im depressed'.
I will miss lionel's laughter.
I will miss Ellin's kancheongness.
I will miss Guo Quan a.k.a abang bicep.
I will miss Jo's presence.
I will not miss stressing to think of where to eat for lunch.
I will miss doing XBRL.
I will not miss packing and doing boxes.
I will miss shredding documents.

And i will miss my fellow VT's, whom constantly entertain me with our crapping sessions and ganging up with one another to bully the full timer's there.

During the day i felt a sense of joy knowing it was my last day. But when devi asked if i feel even a slightest of sadness and when i think of it last night, it struck me that i will miss CLSF. for 12 weeks it has been my way of life. I will look back to this period in the future and tell myself SIP was one of the best times in my poly life. With ain's support and words in September when i was at the lowest of all lows, i've grown from strength to strength.

Good things comes to people who think positive. Now i know that.

Cruel love

2008-11-18T23:30:00.002+08:00

When i saw the look on her face, i realise the real damage i've caused. I could have caused permanent, irreversible damage if not for her. I owe her my heartfelt apology. I've done you wrong. You deserve better than being treated badly by me. I promise i will do you right.

I don't want to ever see you sad, over a jerk like me.

fucking pissed off.

2008-11-17T23:50:00.002+08:00

I rarely use vulgarities on this blog. This is one of those instances I use vulgarities.

I'm fucking pissed off. It is just so screwed up its beyond comprehension.

I have never felt so much anger, hurt and plain suffering in my life, never.

Usually I just sleep it off, waking up to a new day refreshed and forgiving. Not this time.

My head is running in millions of directions.

Ignorance cannot be an excuse to anything in life.

How many people have seen it? How can you not notice it? Why didn't you do anything about it?

Its beyond belief, beyond anything I can ever imagine. I wish I could just do something rash and deal with it.

'I won't see you tonight' sounds like the perfect song right now.

Its just hurtful and sad. I feel betrayed.

Time and time again this particular 'thing' is a bane.

I'm sick of cyber space. Causes so much problems.

Fuck facebook.

Halo

2008-11-15T08:26:00.002+08:00

How ironic it is for me, as a rock and metal lover, to have found meaning in life through a Pussycat doll song.

The song 'Halo' on their latest album lit so many light bulbs in my brain, its mind boggling. And for me to realise that it took a pop song to realise my ways and mistakes is bewildering.

But it doesn't matter what it took for me to understand ain better. Now i really do know how she feels.

I've been quite hard on her.

I will mend my ways.

I love you.

10 freaking more days of attachment.

Waiting patiently for the sms.

Take care ya'll. God speed.

Appreciation

2008-11-02T19:06:00.002+08:00

I realised that i take alot of things for granted.

I take my talent for running for granted.

I take my surroundings for granted.

I take my friends for granted.

I take my girlfriend of 3 and a half years for the granted most.

I know i can come back from a 3 month lay off from running to run a sub 5 min/km for 5 km.

I want my surroundings to be forever constant.With no changes.

I know my friends will have my back no matter what.

I go to bed at night after hearing from ain.She has never abandoned me.Always by my side.

I must learn to appreciate the things in my life more. To take in the sights, to take mental pictures of the beautiful life i have, to remember all the hardships and sweetness in my life. In 4 short months i will begin a new chapter in my life. What's in store,no one knows. But i'm looking forward to the challenges ahead.

Working in offices..

2008-10-30T14:58:00.002+08:00

The one fundamental thing i've learned in working in an office is that, always exercise to keep your immune system up. An office is like a giant micro organism superbug, ready to strike your immune system if it detects any kind of weakness. Thats why it is one of the reasons why i hate working in an enclosed, air conditioned space. You are bound to get infected with an illness from others.

Have sent in my application. Really hope i do get in. The economy is doing badly, recruitment headcount might freeze. Chances are unknown. But currently im working on identifying my strengths and weaknesses for the panel interview. Hoping for the best.

Im sorry i cant make it to your event love. Will make it up to you..

A passing of one generation

2008-10-11T16:25:00.002+08:00

He was the last out of the four left. And he left us after much suffering and despair. I was woken up by mama to the news that my grandfather, at 80 years old, has passed away. It didnt dawn on me the magnitude of the event until i kissed him.

Truth be told, my family wasn't close to him. We took care of him for a few months before my aunt and uncle took over. He particularly doted on his daughters more than the sons, so my father was left to his own devices and was independent. But this is not the appropriate day or time to talk bad about someone who has just passed on.

He was a tough man. Serving with pride in the British forces.

Of all the people, i sympathise with my uncle's son most. In my grandfather's twilight years, he took over taking care of my grandfather full time, giving up his job. My father gave him a token sum every month but his taking care of my grandfather was out of respect and love from a grandchild. He took care of every need, and made sure my grandfather was well taken care off.

He looked bewildered and out of sorts when he looked at my grandfather for the last time. His sacrifice has inbued a perpetual sense of gratitude from me.

Lets hope things look up from now on.

And thank you for your support love.

Technical Recession.

2008-10-10T22:02:00.002+08:00

What is a technical recession? From the top of my head, its a negative growth over at least 2 quarters. Singapore is officially in one.

Which would you prefer? Almost everyone having jobs but commodity prices inflated, or a high degree of unemployment with lower commodity prices? Neither is ideal. This contrast of events is being mirrored in Singapore, with oil prices and other items skyrocketing while the economy was booming and unemployment was at its lowest a year ago with now, oil prices retreating and unemployment projected to increase due to the current financial crisis.

My plans could be derailed. The turnover rate in the force drops whenever the economy is going pear shaped, since it guarantees employment. So my chances of joining gets smaller and smaller every single day. No matter how outstanding a candidate is, as long as there is a headcount freeze, its almost impossible to get in.

But im lucky, i still have NS to fall back on. All those that have their studies or NS ahead of them are protected. What im afraid of are those who will be joining the workforce next quarter onwards. With indications that this crisis will last a year, or more, they might find it hard to secure jobs, be it full or part time, or even temporarily. Alhamdullilah Ain already got a job, and a secure one at that.

God works in mysterious ways. I will do whatever i can to secure my job. If its fated for me to join, i will join. If not, i'll treat NS as a retreat for me to wait out the financial storm and hopefully the outlook will be much better when i ORD.

I'd love to be your fiance, I want to. I love you.

The Unforgiven III

2008-10-04T12:37:00.002+08:00

Some of the most meaningful lyrics ever

"How can I be lost,
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?"

It just means so much for those few words. And this is from Metallica no less, the godfathers of rock. Who said rock was just riffs and meaningless lyrics?

Babies and Lunars.

2008-10-02T21:57:00.008+08:00

Was eagerly anticipating Nike's newest technology (gimmick,fad) to hit Singapore's shores, and when I found out from sgrunners.com that the shoe was due to arrive on 1st October, I immediately got around getting it today. With my maiden run of 4 km, the shoe had lesser cushioning, but boy was it light.damn light.

The hari raya celebration was a muted one, with only 3 houses that we visited. But the day was brightened when I went to my uncle's house. His youngest daughter, at 23, was a year older than me, but already happily married with a 3 month old gorgeous son. Before you think it was a shotgun marriage, she was going out with the guy for quite a while, and marrying early was pre-planned because her parents were old and wanted to give them the happiness of holding their grandchild.

Now isn't he cute? Mama said his cheeks were just like mine when I was young. Before I left, I held his hand, and stroked his cheeks. I swear, if God gave me a child now, I'd be the best dad I can ever be.

I hope I can be the best boyfriend too, but sometimes, I make mistakes.

I love you.

Better to die than be a coward

2008-09-30T23:05:00.002+08:00

Was bored so I surfed the net and found a landmark ruling in Britain which states that the Gurkhas that serve before 1997 for Great Britain were to be treated the same as any ordinary citizen or military personnel and have their pension increased.

I got about researching about the Gurkhas and what got my respect was how they were selected to join Great Britains', Singapores' and Indias' armies and police contingents. Those as you as 17 and were fit enough were given the opportunity to try out for limited places for the prestige and honour of becoming a Gurkha. There's a variety of motivations they harbour to join, and not least of it is poverty. But whatever it is, they have my respect. We in Singapore whine and bitch about serving 2 years in national Service with paltry pay. Imagine carrying a 30 kilo basket (its not even a proper harversack) with stones secured with only ropes and run up the himalayas (it not even mount faber or even bukit timah, think of the oxygen levels in the himalayas) for 5 km within 40 minutes. I couldnt even walk properly on a straight airstrip with my parachute which only weighed 25 kg. I was hunching over like a turtle. Imagine running and brisk walking a steep incline with lack of oxygen with a time limit. Thats how tough and resilient they are. Their pay, 1000 pounds, is modest in Britain's standards, but for them, it's like hitting jackpot. Not many people can give them a run for their money.

The thing that struck me was how similar they were physically to most male singaporeans in singapore. They average 5ft5inc, which is my height at around 165 cm, and weigh just over 50 kgs. And its their nutrition after being recruited that have bulked them up. But their strenuous lifestyle has prepared them for hardship and they are known never to ever utter a negative word nor whine even in extreme hunger, thirst or fatigue. I would love to serve with them. I hate whiners and negative people. These are the people that would fit my personality. All this has given me a huge confidence boost. If they can, why not me. I want to be elite. I might be small, but I know I have a big heart. I dont give up easily. It has made me strive to do my best and go for the highest ever physical and mental pinnacle, wherever God places me. I wont be contend with just being another man on the street. I want to be the best. The suffering will make me a better man. I love physical challenges.

Their motto highlights their spirit best; Better to die than be a coward. This is what being elite is all about. Courage, Honour, Victory.

Life was simple back then..

2008-09-30T21:33:00.002+08:00

3 years ago, life was simple for both of us. All we cared about was school and being with each other. There was plenty of time to hang around, endless hours were spent over the phone and countless more meeting up. But things change, but the love never faded. There might be lesser time, but its as important if not more important than ever. We are growing into our roles of adults in this complicated world, so we make do with what we have.

A random thought; had I gone over the path of perdition, I envisage myself with a tattoo sleeve on both my hands ( just like M Shadows'), with a slight bulging stomach, with vodka in one hand and a cigarette in another. I still do think of what would have happened to me had I rebelled when I was in primary school. I was a misfit then, and I used to blame my parents for moving houses from the small but ever so comfortable abode in Ang Mo Kio to a huge but cold and a place devoid of character in Tampines. I had so much trouble fitting in that I told myself when I was young I will never be bullied ever again, hence my tough as nails and uncompromisingly assured self. being bullied has made me into a bully. Thank God I have mellowed somewhat, Ain can testify to that ;)

I yearn to visit Ang Mo Kio again, I'd love to see the changes that Ang Mo Kio have undergone. It's still my dream to live in Ang Mo Kio when I get married.

30 days have passed by fairly quickly, the fasting month is over, the month of celebration is upon us. I forgive everyone except someone that caused so much hurt to my mum. Her transgression I will never forgive.

Selamat Hari Raya to all. Feel blessed that you have food to eat. Remember Muslims that go home after their prayers and treat Aidiladha like any other day, because of their predicament.

I love you.

Attachment,fasting month and Hari Raya..

2008-09-25T20:05:00.002+08:00

First of all,I'd like to show my appreciation and gratitude to ain. Ever since my attachment that runs concurrently with the fasting month, I've been, for a lack of a better term, a jerk. I come back home grumpy due to the weariness I feel traveling to and from work at raffles place. I really hate the crowds in the morning and evening and I vow never to work in t`he CBD area ever. I think I might have gotten my grumpy attitude from my dad. Ever since I was young, I knew I should never to irritate him even the slightest bit when he comes back home and just to greet him at the from door. He has a nasty temper and it gets bad especially after coming home from work. Its what I have been doing since young and till now I still greet him at the front door.

My attachment is already 3 weeks in and im ok with it. Its just that, everytime I look out the office window and see the glorious sun and life milling around, I feel sad. It feels like im trapped in an office building and truth be told, I rather be outside sweating like a cow but enjoying myself than be in a comfortable office setting but hating what I do. But it's ok, its just 12 weeks. I know I will never work in an office setting ever in my life. I love the freedom to be on the ground rather than be up on an ivory tower enjoying the air conditioning.

Its less than one week to Hari Raya. My family isn't into it this year. But its all good, I'd be satisfied with going to the few important houses and just relaxing at home.

I love you.This entry is dedicated to you. Wink Wink!

Olympic Silver + talent vs looks

2008-08-17T21:42:00.003+08:00

The current generation should feel blessed that we are able to witness Singapore's first ever silver medal ever since Tan Howe Liang was bestowed a silver medal in Rome. Congratulations to team Singapore.

The cynical side of me says this is not Singapore's achievement, its more like a team 'mini china'. Its not home grown talent that won us the medal, but foreign legionnaires. You might even be tempted to call them mercenaries in the sporting arena.

But lest we forget, Singapore was a sleepy Malay fishing village before growing into an economic juggernaut. Many of us are immigrants from China, India and the Malayan Archipelago. Our forefathers came here with the promise of a better life, and I'm sure that was the intention of all the foreign talents here. To find a new beginning and dream the Singapore dream that is full of riches. I just hope they see Singapore as a final resting place and make this home, instead of enjoying the economic benefits Singapore has provided for them but shirking the responsibilities Singapore citizens shoulder. I want to see them settled here, learn and appreciate our culture and finally start a family. Then they can be truly called Singaporeans, not just someone holding the Singaporean passport.

The fiasco surrounding the lip syncing by Lin Mioke left a bad taste in my mouth. The Olympic Committee's decision of replacing the real voice by Yang Peiyi was utterly disappointing and an antithesis of the spirit of the Games. It's supposed to celebrate the individual spirit of the athletes and participants,but by replacing Peiyi with the more 'eye pleasing' Mioke, they have raped the spirit apart and left an indelible mark on the Games. What message are they trying to send to the world, and especially to the girls? That good looks take precedence over talent and hard work? That the world appreciates beauty more than brains? This will adversely affect the girls, eventhough they and their parents have said otherwise. Very disappointing indeed.

Ain's sick, maybe she misses me very much ;) Hope she gets well soon. Im looking forward to going shopping with her when I get my bursary after the exams.

I love you.

Clear vision

2008-08-10T19:46:00.003+08:00

Met with ain early in the morning today, a few things on our agenda. 1st,we went to get some breakfast at MacDonald's and after that we swiftly went to the saloon to get ain's hair done. After a few hours, off we went to get my first ever pair of contact lenses.

Lo and behold,when i came at the shop, i found my left eye was only 75 degrees, which did not warrant a contact lens,as it's almost perfect. Only my right eye required contact lens with 250 degrees. I was thinking to myself; i might be the first idiot to wear only one contact lens.haha

When we got back to ain's car, she gave me a crash course in wearing contact lens. It was quite a frustrating affair for me.

Now at home,after sleeping for a few hours, and after attempting numerous times over half an hour, i finally managed to wear the contact lens. It feels like there's something on my eye, but ain said it was normal and will go away after i wear it the next time.

Thank you for being patient sweets. You know me best. I may be daring (or stupid enough) to do alot of things, but im pretty girly when it comes to my eyes.

NDP 08

2008-08-09T18:06:00.002+08:00

Watching the red lions do their jumps,i wish i could turn back time and do my jumps again. If only NCC allowed us to go for the course again,i would clock many more jumps just to enjoy the scenery over PLAB and SBAB. I miss those times crapping with my bunkmates and waiting for the jump dates to arrive. I miss waking up early,eating breakfast and going to the toilet immediately after that. I miss the torturous training sessions we had to endure. I miss the sweat soaked long 4's i wore.I miss the blue black injuries to my knees. I miss the painful pinches to my neck. I miss the heavy parachute on my back. I miss the tower jump. I miss the Chinook. I miss the C-130. How i wish i could do that for a career.

Reality check. Not gonna happen. Its ok. Im thankful God gave me the chance of a lifetime. I may not be a full fledged paratrooper, but to be able to live and love it for 3 weeks, it was an honour.

Exams are just round the corner. Life works in mysterious ways. I thought the 3 years in Poly would be long,but im in my final year,with just 2 more exams to go and an attachment to complete. Just when im making a real bond with my friends we have to part ways soon. Its all good though. I'm trying to enjoy whatever time i have left with them.

I'd love to join STAR. And DART too, hell, even SPEAR. May God guide me during this important decision in my life. The most important thing is that everything will come out fine.

And most of all, i miss YOU most 'wink wink'.

Happy National Day. God Bless and God Speed.

Maiden entry with macbook pro..

2008-07-30T20:57:00.004+08:00

Alot has happened ever since Ain's 22th birthday. The usual stuff in school,and we won A&F soccer tourney,winning a $30 swensen's voucher (better than nothing). I also got myself a macbook pro for my computing needs. I also convinced my brother to get a macbook for himself since he will need it for his CCA,in which he is president. It's great to know that you pay for your own stuff instead of depending on your parents. We purchased our macbooks on our own money. Another good news is my desktop computer is also up and running due to some troubleshooting i did,that saves me at least $100 in labour and inspection costs had i asked Acer to swing by. They might have diagnosed the problem wrongly and charged me exorbitantly. In the end the problem was caused by a small device.Fhew!

Things have been great with ain. Its been more than 3 years and still going strong. Ups and downs we've traversed. We spend less time together than we hope for ever since i got a part time job as a lifeguard,but it makes me and her cherish each other's company even more.It takes a bit more planning to meet than usual,but its worth it.

And we've also decided we will join the standard chartered 10km,it'll be the first competitive run she's joined. It just makes me happy that she decided to be involved in something im passionate about.Who knows,she might join me in a biathlon or even a triathlon.with her determination,im sure she will succeed.

I hope with my macbook i'll update more,hopefully motivate me to post regularly.

I feel very blessed.
I.L.U

Happy birthday Sayang!

2008-05-15T21:53:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how fast 22 years have passed for ain. From a young child to a civil servant, everything has passed by in a flash.

Had a simple birthday affair planned for ain, and initially everything didnt go as planned. But as the day went by, it got better and better!

I brought her to sentosa, and surprised her with a swensen's cake and perfume by Diesel. Even though the skyride was nerve wrecking for ain, me and her thoroughly enjoyed ourselves on our way down on the luge. Trust me, once is not enough. You'll want more and more. Its fast heart thumping adrenalin action luge!

We then went to Vivocity for ain to get her top,settled some admin stuff for her car and went home for ain to get changed to go out with her squad mates.

I hope you had fun wak. Seeing you happy makes it all wothwhile..

Happy birthday once again! Sweet 22!

Her "New" Love!

2008-04-26T18:10:00.008+08:00

Presenting the fresh new addition to the Ain's family, Kia Picanto!

Congratulations to Ain! Its a big responsibility to own a car, but I'm sure she'll manage the responsibility well. It may not be the biggest nor the fastest, but like most creditable reviews have said, the picanto is a great family, point A to B car. No frills and comfortable for four. It's perfect for her. What's most important is being even more mobile than she was previously. Thank god for the abundance of health and wealth that has allowed her to own a car. Alhamdullilah.

I.L.U!

Another milestone..

2008-04-16T12:35:00.002+08:00

Been down with some illness. Eno does work wonders when your stomach's bloated.

I have finally passed my CPR test, hence, I can now work as a lifeguard at any pool. It was hard to clear though, my tester apparently was the head of CPR in the Singapore Lifesaving Society. He asked, no, more like interrogated us on the workings of the heart, lungs, the inhalation and exhalation any any other nook and cranny in between. When I was doing my CPR, my heart was beating so fast and I was shaking in nervousness, which is so unlike me. I just did what I remembered and finally, after 2 hours of rigorous practicals and questions did he clear me and my friends. He gave good words of advice though, when he said that we should be retaking our CPR test every year instead of every 3 years, because life is at stake and the mistakes we make as civilians and lifeguards will affect the guality of life of a person. It could mean a difference of a person recovering well or having brain damage and never being able to talk again. When he said that, I suddenly dawned on me that being a lifeguard is not just merely walking around and blowing whistles at children clowning around in the pool, it's also about me doing the right thing and doing it fast and efficiently when the time arises and every second counts. It's a heavy responsibility.

I have to thank Ain for providing me this opportunity. 1 and half years ago when I told her that I wanted to learn to swim and maybe be a lifeguard one day, she took the initiative to ask around and found an instructor for me. I was willing to travel from Bedok to Boon Lay to learn from him and after much effort and determination, I've achieved another milestone. Ain has been supporting me all the way and providing me encouragement. From not being able to swim even 2 laps without stopping and wheezing to being able to swim 30 laps non stop, it's a lot of progress. Thanks Love!

Although I still cannot yet work at any Singapore Sports Council pool since I've not received my certificates, my instructor was kind enough to source for me a job from his friend's company at one of sentosa's private golfing clubs with a pool. So I might start work there.

How fast 1 and a half years have passed by. I found great friends in Isaac, Lukman, Guo Xiang and Kelvin. Without them learning B.M and Lifesaving 1,2,3 would be dull. I'm sure to keep in touch with them. It used to be on wednesday evenings I would go for my swimming classes, but now suddenly there is a gap yet to be filled.

Thanks again Ain..

School starts in 4 day's time. Buckle up!

God bless and god speed..

Date @ Central @ Clarke Quay

2008-04-13T15:51:00.009+08:00

In a relationship, it takes both parties to make the effort to keep the romance going. It night be hard sometimes, but days (nights) like yesterday shows the relationships are totally worth the time and energy put into it. Damn I sound like a relationship guru.

We made the effort to have fun and enjoy and we did just that. We've found our new 'hang out' spot just by the Singapore River.

Being with you for the past 3 years, life has never been dull. I.L.U.

God Speed and God Bless.

Fun at sentosa..

2008-04-07T13:06:00.002+08:00

I passed my B.M test last monday and my CPR test is only tentatively on the 15th. Hope I clear it and can move on with my life.

On a lighter note, the trip to sentosa with ain and her family was pure fun. It might have rained, but it didn't dampen our spirits, it merely enbolden us into playing in the sea more! We went to sentosa a few days ago on impulse but we couldn't play with the sand and sea because we were too dressed up. But on sunday, we built sand castles, played and splashed water at siloso beach and even had a 'seaweed' throwing competition and fought with each other with it. One of the best trips to the beach I've been, bar none!

After washing up, the trip to simpang bedok was exasperating, with the limited parking options and limited space available to eat. But all's good, the food we had was great..

Thanks wak for the trip..I appreciate it..Muacks!

my condolences to Amin and his family, I'm sure she's in a better place with God.

All over again..

2008-03-25T13:30:00.012+08:00

Yesterday reinforces and reminds me how and why I fell in love in a certain someone by the name of nurain binte rahmat. Its been a while since we enjoyed ourselves that much, and I fell in love all over again.

Ain and I are lucky. We found each other in the most convenient of places,our alma mater. Other people go through life just guessing what love is.

Step Up 2 is great musically and dance wise, but poor acting, however, it is a dancing movie, so I'll give it a free pass for acting this time.

Han's River at easpoint had a nice atmostphere compared to seoul garden, and the staff are more attentive. But like ain pointed out, that could be down to the fact that there were not much people around.

Have I told you how much I love you? I love you sweets..

Fakers..

2008-03-18T20:53:00.003+08:00

Martha Steward and Janet Jackson have got to be the two most fakest celebrities out there. Its obvious from their demeanour that they are faking their act to appeal to their audience. Janet's ubiquitous face on MTV made me realise how fake she is. Just listening to her its perplexing how people get caught up in her facade. Her barely audible voice, some would say that is sexy, but I say its fake, and Martha's actions on her show also shows how snobbish she really is. Guests that come to her show are either talked down to or have their sentences interrupted repeatedly by her.

Or is it just sad that I'm actually watching Martha Steward show and MTV during my holidays?

There's those defining moments in our lives that changes our perspective on life itself and our role in it. This year is one of those moments for me. I know I've finally grown up when I think MTV is for the 'younger crowd', The sopranos are much better than any cartoons any given time of day and spending time with family,friends and the special lady is much more worth it than wasting time in malls. I guess with time comes the acceptance of change of priorities in life as we grow older.

After the exams, life has been quite sedentary, except for my regular runs. Exam results were much better than last semester but one thing I've learnt is that coursework is much much more important than the exams itself, simply because mid sem tests encompass only a few topics and is a giveaway, whereas exams engulfs the who subject. So next sem I will make it a point to do very well for my courseworks.

Should I join the SCDF instead of SPF? It might be a good idea. At least I get to meet ain more frequently if i'm in SCDF rather than in SPF. But things might chage. 2 years ago I was adamant that my future lies in the Guards unit, but after 'discovering' the inner workings of the military, I have decided not to sign on after all. We'll see in a year's time if things change.

My childhood friend at Ang Mo Kio got hitched last week. It had been almost 15 years since my mum and me met him and his mother. They helped us through very rough times in AMK, and I didnt hesitate to follow my mum to be present at his wedding.

My mum couldn't help but comment that he looked like Najib.Thats probably true I guess.

I cant wait to clear my B.M test. I want to work.

My girl is in charge tonight at work. That just turns me on..she can be in charge anytime ;)

God Bless and God Speed..Love you sweets!

Chill out..

2008-03-04T23:14:00.003+08:00

Its been a week since the last paper and another one week plus to the release of the results. I have to say, this semester has been the most memorable to date. I hope the results will reflect that. I believe the most valuable subject matter i've aquired from this semester is Fundementals of Investment. With my tutor's guiding hand, CNBC has never looked more interesting and dynamic. Finally i've understood the jargon attached to it and money never sound more sweeter.

To all police officers and military men, especially ain, i just would like to express my gratitude for your service to find the idiot mas selamat. Not many have the unique vantage point of having a loved one in the police and armed forces and serving as regulars. Their sacrifice should serve as a learning point and respect should be accorded. Their burnt off days are a testament to them answering the call of duty (eventhough probably forced by mas "the jackass' selamat'). And to the f**k*r of mas selamat,if i ever bump into your scrawny ass,i'll make sure you'll get the beat down of your life. Jerk.

I want to clear my B.M as soon as possible. Hope it'll get done by next month.

I also want to get my 2B and 3 when I have the money.Im 21, I should clear it ASAP.

God bless and god speed to those who take the trouble to read this blog.

2010 YOG

2008-02-21T19:21:00.002+08:00

God damn I dont believe it; Singapore will be hosting the Youth Olympic Games after all!

Congratulations to Singapore. Being sporty myself, I'd love to see the youth of today slugging it out in Singapore for the pride of their country.

Seeing Toe Ser Luck, Vivian Balakrishnan and Teo Chee Hean jumping for joy on stage like kids made me smile. Teo Ser Luck is a triathlete no less, and I could see he made it his mission to bring the YOG to Singapore. Thanks a million man.

We deserve this.

the past week..

2008-02-20T23:58:00.002+08:00

Serbia should quit whining and being a p*s*y and throwing tantrums just because Kosovo declared independence. Let them live in peace can?

I really do hope we get to hope the Youth Olympic Games. By tomorrow we will find out the results of the Olympic Committee. Mr Rogge must get it right. We are due some international recognition sporting wise. All we are known now is our imfamous chewing gum ban, being the most competitive economy and being the least haven for kickbacks,although it still does exist.

Arsenal really lost the plot against Manchester Utd last week. They were not even is sixes or sevens, they were in nil and zilch. No one bothered to turn up with their playing boots. That blows. I hope they find redemption this morning against AC Milan, although I have a strange feeling we will get booted out soon. Dont get me wrong, I've been a fan since 1997, I'm no 'Man Utd, Chelsea doing better so I better jump ship' kind of fan, but for Arsenal, I am very realistic with our chances and quite a pessimist. We will get the Premiership if we get out of the Champions League, my gut tells me.

Obama finally has more delegates than Ice queen Clinton ( Those were crocodile tears people, wake up!). The bad news is, Obama now cannot claim to being the underdog now.

When you said me and Nisha looked like father and daughter, my heart skipped a beat. If this is what if feels like to be a father, I'm willing to be one right now, and I mean it. What could be more beautiful than being a father to beautiful children ( I want a son, then daughter, then son again, in that order) and husband to a beautiful wife. Holding Nisha in one hand and you in the other is heaven. Vroom vroom! I have a feeling Nisha will be a traffic cop in the future, judging by the way she rode an electric motorcycle.

I cant wait for exams to be over. I want to go outing with Ain and get a part time job, finally.

Will try to blog more frequently, although I doubt there's not much readers, probably 1 (Ain) haha.

God Bless and God Speed..Love ya sweets!

bodoh and blonde..

2008-02-12T21:57:00.000+08:00

Erra farida cracks me up with her wise ass jokes. She's the funniest of all actresses, and best of all, she dosen't alienate her young or old demographics.

When I get married to you, I'll make sure the first thing we do is to go to SPCA and adopt a cat yek, cheap, only $60 + for the full package and shots and stuff. We'll put a bell on her collar and listen as she jingles all over the house. :) Just make sure the cat dosen't pee or hump me..

I dreamt a few days ago that my mum got pregnant again. This after she closed shop almost a decade and a half ago. When I told her of my dream, she called me crazy and said she didnt want to take care of another child. But I do! If I really get another brother or sister, I'll treat her like my own son. I told my mum I would take care of everything and she'll just have to buy pampers and baby formula. Imagine me and ain with a baby in our arms or in a stroller, my friends would be flabbergasted! And of course, haters and detractors would think we are a shotgun couple, but who cares. But that's just a dream. If all my dreams came true..just ain for the consequences, for I shre with her all of my dreams..

Exams are just one week away. I can't wait to clear my CommSkill and Leadership presentations.

Till next time. Love ya!

Urge to blog..

2008-02-09T14:17:00.000+08:00

Had a sudden urge to blog..so here it goes..

Miss Ang Mo Kio.When I was young,it was the greatest place to grow up.The serene environment with a hill just behind my house to climb and play kites and run around,the friends I had.Everytime I walk through bedok reservoir and I hear birds chirping and crickets on the way to school,all i'm reminded about is AMK. Its where I want to settle down when I get married. Its where I want my children to grow up in a cosy home and experience the happiness that I had. Its where I want to grow old with ain. One of the first requests I have for ain when she gets her ride is a trip down memory lane to AMK. I want to drive around show her the place where I ran around on the field of my former primary school, the place where I always buy my primary school books using papa's book vouchers given by his company, where I went to ngaji in the evening, where I went kindergarden when I was young and where the hill used to be. Im sure she'll like it.

I have been glued to the T.V over the U.S elections ever since last year. It's the first election that I can remember that held my attention this long. This is maybe due to the fact the the last american election was held almost 8 years ago,when I was in secondary 2. The caucuses, primaries, delegates, super delegates, the GOP, the democrats, the differing blue and red states is fun to unravel. But I am also ashamed of myself, I recognise the ron paul's from the mike huckebee's,the giuliani's to the mc cain's,but I dont even know the people that is in charge in my constituence. As a singaporean,I should be more well versed in local politics rather than foreign, but unfortunately me being exposed to CNN rather than CNA has proven to be my undoing. Therefore I've promised myself that I will try to learn more about my country.

We went on a date yesterday,and the night life was very new and fun, although I cant see myself and ain going out to pubs, clubs and bistros at night. I see us as people who watch a late night movie or DVD together in the comforts of our own home on the sofa and until one of us falls asleep (which,being the sleepyhead I am,means that I'm the one who snoozes first). Thats the life I look forward too.

The car fever ain caught has been caught by me too, and my dream car would be the Subaru WRX STI. Now that is a gentlemen's car. But a bit pricey though,at $107,000, it would be too expensive on a sergeant's pay, but maybe on a staff or senior staff sergeant's pay perhaps, but that would be in 10 year's time. I just love the sound of the turbocharger revving at 6000rpm.

Its rare that I get the urge to blog, and I will blog again when the urge bites me again..Au revoir!

chocolate dips and umbrella..

2008-02-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

To be honest, it's not easy being a bf to a gf thats working in the police force,or any other job that takes her away from you at 12-14 hours at a stretch. It does get lonely. But one happy thought and im content again. Just thinking of the difference she is making makes me be unselfish and swell with pride.

We have our ups and downs, some really bad moments and some moments that just take our breaths away. Yesterday was one of those great days, and im happy this did work out for the best. Im happy we are still together, im happy we still love each other. Thats the most important thing.

I pray things stay this way or get even better.. and who knows, the picanto might have something to do with it..hehehe

God bless and god speed guys..

2008-01-14T01:08:00.000+08:00

I miss you..

Im sorry..

Cant sleep..

Thinking of running at 6 am..

my sweet 21st!

2007-12-16T10:48:00.000+08:00

Celebrated my 21st birthday with ain yesterday and had a blast!

In the morning i went for the east district meeting,it was my first trip to HQ in almost 6 months and by god, i knew less 20 percent of the people there. Between the new 54th intake and the others, only a few faces were familiar. But all in all, it was ok, with me and farhan crapping the way through.

The real fun started when i met ain at jurong point. We bought tixs to see the chipmunks and at ate Swensens. The 'whatever i ate' burger was great, and we topped it off with ice cream. Yum! We then went to watch the chipmunks, and although i believe children would love the movie, we adults would have enjoyed it nonetheless. And theodore really looks like ain, their cheeks are too die for!

Since it was raining, we decided to go to Vivo instead to window shop, which in ladies terms, means actually shopping! Ain got some tees from a packed mango. We headed to Far east plaza for dinner at puncak and eventhouogh we didnt want the night to end, I sent ain off and i went home to celebrate with my family.

Ain got me a great Nike therma fit sweater, just what i needed to counter the cold nights when going to B.M or the freezing air con in school. Ain also put in alot of effort to do a clay frame with her personal words on it. It must have been hard work. And its really creative!

I'm so spoiled, its beyond imagination. ;)

I'm thankful to God for protecting me this far. I know deep in my heart God has looked after me well, especially since there were alot of trials and tribulations that I never thought I can survive, it must be his guiding hand that gently nudged me to become what I am now. And i'm thankful to my family and ain, for taking care of me well. I know i'm spoilt because of you guys.

Happy advanced aidil'adha and merry ho ho ho christmas and a happy new year..

P.O.C,4h:43m:8s

2007-12-03T21:51:00.000+08:00

The last week concluded two major events in my life,ain's graduation from HTA on Friday and me participating in the Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon on Sunday.

Friday was my ain's POC,and it was to much fanfare that she is now a fully fledged officer. And during that ceremony we are reminded the responsibility an officer shoulders during his/her term protecting the country against internal threats. We all know the job is dangerous, which makes this job all the more noble. Who knows, she might be back at the auditorium in 2 years's time to see me graduate. A simple but succint ceremony, ain made me and her parents proud to be there. (The auditorium was big,even bigger than SOTSC's auditorium! Hahaha)

There was the customary VIP speech and award ceremony. There was also the police pledge taking and national anthem.Finally the day was topped off with some finger food being served.Ain bade goodbye together with me and her parents and left the place after taking pictures of what seems to be her home for the past 6 months. I accompanied her to a photo taking session with her number 1 uniform and we were done for the day.

Marathon time! I wasnt as nervous as last year, and with some experience under my belt, i managed to keep calm the night before the storm and get some sleep. I woke up at 3,warmed up a little,get dressed and took a cab. I managed to reach the Padang at 430 and baggage was a breeze. I found and sat at a spot infront of the esplanade and warmed up until 10 mins before the flag off.Months and months of training culminated to that day.I said my prayers and off i went.

The first few kilometers were dogged by pain on my right shin but it went away after 5 km. I ran a good solid race until the 27th km mark, when i stopped due to a niggling pain on my right ankle. The rest of the journey was dogged with pain and severe cramps. I persevered on, thinking positive thoughts and i managed to clock a decent time of 4 hr 43 mins. But im suffering now though, my thighs, calves, shoulders and quads are killing me. My aim now is to go for the biathlon next march and complete it by 1 hr 30 mins.

Congrats dearest, you make me proud. The Police Force is lucky to have you as their asset..Lots of love..

Good luck to my friends for next weeks mid sem..

God Speed..

Soundtrack of my life..

2007-11-09T10:18:00.000+08:00

As I listened to my ipod on my way back home from my hot date with ain, i realised that from secondary school till now, there are songs that always seem to sum up my life for that particular period of time. When I was in secondary school, I listened to Exist's 'Di rantai di gelangi rindu'. When I was in ITE, 3 songs stood out. First was Data's 'Nyanyian rindu buat kekasih', because it was OUR song. Second was 'Run it' by Chris Brown and 'I like that' by Chingy, because ain loved those songs and kept playing them, and thirdly was 'Dari sinar mata' from BPR simply because my classmates loved to sing along to this song when we were in class and it has stuck in my mind ever since.

When I was at airborne, every night without fail, i'd listen to 'Saferwaters' by Chevelle and 'In Pieces' by Linkin Park. It helped me relax and sleep well. In fact, i'd hum to 'saferwaters' everytime I was strapped to my seat in the C-130 or Chinhook. It helped me forget about my nausea and get me pumped up for my jumps.

In Poly though, so far no song has stuck to me yet. But I still have 1 and a half year to go. So im sure there'll be a song that'll sum up life in TP.

Baby girl is sick right now. Get some rest sweets.

You drive me crazy..

2007-09-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you drive me crazy,
you drive me out of my mind,
you do things that baffle me,
you make me wanna laugh and cry..

But then i realise,
there's no one else i'd rather be with,
to irritate me,make me go bonkers,
no one else,only you..

Today is one such day.
but its okay.
Im already crazy as it is..

Oh ya,1 more day to our 'nth' anniversary,i've already lost count.well,whats most important is that we do love and care for each other.Even if we drive each other mad.I think that makes our relationship special.We have our tender moments,but we also have our not so tender,"i wanna kill you this instant,choke you,bite your ass off,kick you in the nuts,tear out your hair' moments.That's what makes this relationship real and true.That helps keep the pent up frustration,aggression and anger at bay.A healthy dose of fighting helps.So i'd recommend all couples to fight once in a while,its good you know,like detoxification.Getting rid of the bad s**t in your body and soul.But dont fight in public,may i suggest fighting through the phone? (Notice: This blogger shall not assume any responsibility for any damaged egos,injuries,death and failed relationships arising from his smart-ass recommendation.he's an idiot.Trust him and you are one too.)

So this is what i've been doing for the past week:

Mon: Sleep,play my xbox 360,eat,sleep
Tues: Refer to monday
Wed: Sleep,play my xbox 360,go for bronze medallion training,eat,sleep
Thurs: Refer to mon and tues
Fri: refer to mon,tues and thrus

As you can see,i have no life,and im loving it.I swear to god,if i dont have ain,i might be rotting at home with no purpose in life.Life's great.Life's carefree.But life isnt easy.

Amin just passed out from his 35th ERS course.I was reminded of my airborne POP.Damn proud of amin.His whining and whining and whining paid off.Watch this space for more whining from amin.God bless his soul,and the souls of his family,hope his mom gets well soon.

Ain just passed her FTT.Soon,she can be my chauffeur.Wahaha.Congrats seby!

Cant wait for the new balance real run and the standard chartered run.

God bless ya'll,now go to your significant others and tell them you love them!

Holidays..

2007-09-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

My baby girl is sick now,and i hope she gets well as soon as possible.I dont want her to suffer..Get well soon seby (sexy baby)..

God, time flies really fast.She's already in her fourth month of training and I just completed another semester in poly.But in poly,my hands and feet are itching to sign on with the police force.I really want to work,to support my family and myself,and to move on to a new chapter in my life.I'd love to don the red beret of the SOC PTU unit and maybe the STAR unit too.I cant imagine myself working with accounts or finances in a stuffy (or even a plush) office.I'd rather let my heart pound and experience the thrill of the chase.

I'd swell with pride everytime i mention that ain is in the police force,simple because it takes lots of guts to become a police officer.You might think singapore is safe,but ask any policeman or women worth their salt and they'll tell you alot of s**t goes down in singapore,and it's only because of them we are safe.You'd be amazed the plethora of indiscretions goes on here.Its a noble profession,definately you wont get rich,but the rewards intangible are immesurable.Im damn proud of you.

To me,the 1 and a half years left in poly will pass very slowly.I've thought on signing on with the army,but i realised it wasnt family friendly after talking to numerous officers and warrant officers at hendon.5 and a half days of work,only the weekends off,and even if you get to go home after you get married in the army,most likely you'll go home late (blame bureaucracy) and be too tired to take care of the more important things in life;your family.And to be downright honest,when was the last time you saw a malay dude in the commandos or NDU or artillery?The police force offers better opportunities with SOC,STAR and PCG.I go for quality.Nothing but the best for me.But most importantly,i get to see my family.Thats what important to me.

I'm probably the most family oriented guy you'll come across.I've fantasised with my girlfriend (no,no,nothing amorous) how many children i'd love to have (5!),where we live,what our children names are,where we'd go for our family outings.I'd coo with delight whenever ain and i see babies.I attribute these feelings to my dad.Growing up,he was a strict disciplinarian,but i could clearly see the love he has for my family,how he'd give up his needs to buy me whatever (and i mean whatever) i want.I was and still is his favourite boy.I want to be him,he's my hero,my beacon of light,and my definition of what it takes to be a father.I will never disappoint him.

Exams are over,and sad to say,i've sacrificed my grades for airborne,but it's still worth it.I passed all of my subjects,but it was downright unsatisfactory.However,nothing beats the airborne experience,and anyone can get an A,but it takes lots of guts to jump.But time to shape up or ship out for the rest of the sems.No more D's and C's.

The fasting month is in full swing.The holidays are downright mind-numbing (but im loving it) and everything is great.

Love you sweets.

Surprise!

2007-08-22T23:11:00.000+08:00

You couldn't have surprised me more..Ain,this sweetheart of mine did something that totally caught me off guard and totally made my day (or night).

She messaged me,asked me to come down to the 1st floor of my block,at 11 pm no less and surprised the heck out of me! When i saw her,my heart skipped a beat,then i was so shocked and elated at the same time that i couldn't even think straight.I thought she was pulling my leg,like she always does,but it was for real.The half hour we spent together was bliss.

She showed up just to say that she loves and misses me.Now,where can you get a girlfriend like that,i ask you dear readers?She's a real gem,i adore her..

Exams are just round the corner,and i havent even started studying.Well,i do best when i study last minute.

Swimming is now my new favourite pastime,and coupled with running,it helps traing my upper and lower body without going to the gym,how economical is that?

Thanks precious.I love you.

God Bless and God Speed.

Airborne...

2007-07-02T09:15:00.000+08:00

After an arduous 3 weeks, i am,according to ain, a certified airborner!

All the hardships us NCC cadets had to face was worth it though. Our really tough warrant officer, the training, the adjustments to hendon. Finally it all bore fruit on the 29th of June, when all 8 of us passed out as paratroopers.

My first jump was on pure adrenalin. I wasnt even scared, not even abit. All i was thinking was to punch out of the plane! And unfortunately, i had to land on the runway, which made my butt hurt. My second jump though, was totally different. It was just like what the warrants say. The 2nd jump will always be the worst. I felt faint, i felt like vomitting, but i held on, and the 2nd jump was peaceful, except that my helmet broke off! The 3rd was the most fun. Since i was already familiar with the parachute, i played around with the toggle, and upon landing, i knew instantaneously that i am now part of the airborne fraternity. Given a chance, i would like to make jumping out of planes my job. (If only that was possible)

But the hardest part was most definately missing my family and my ain. I can take any physical punishments, but my loved ones are my weaknesses. Luckily we get to book out on weekends..

However, a wierd feeling lingers. All my friends were so happy to have passed out, but i felt indifferent. The prestige of airbone wasnt lost on me. Only a few outside units get to go through the BAC, and even fewer qualify and even dare jump our from a plane at 1000 feet. After much thought, i realised that maybe all the warrant officers' and commandos' thinking had rubbed on off me. They said that the BAC was just another course, that we can go on to better things such as military freefall,ranger etc.. I guess thats where my feelings stemmed from. But not to put down BAC in any way, I have pride in the airborne, i never let it down, I AM AIRBORNE!

Me and ain got to go out on sat, we watched and celebrated our 2 years (feels just like yesterday we got together) at marina bay. We reminisced our first date there and watched part of the parade from afar. May god bless our relationship for 200 more years to come.

I love you. Once again, happy 2 year anni wak..

189 BAC

2007-06-01T13:05:00.000+08:00

To be honest,the airborne selection was like a non-event.Everything went well,but its like,nothing much out of the ordinary.In fact,i dare say the selection at HQ NCC had more 'things' going on.The sucky thing was that,out of a possible 16 NCC cadets,only 7 actually passed.But im sure HQ NCC will make special dispensation for them to go,because if not,it would be so boring for me and the rest.

Push ups-30
Sits ups-30
Pull ups-10
2.4 Km run-unknown

Tentatively,i've passed the selection and can proceed to the course.I'm now waiting for HQ to call me anytime now to confirm my slot and next wednesday,i'd be off for 3 weeks.

The thing i'd miss most would be the nightly talk i have with ain.It's one of the most relaxing times of the day for me.Chances are i get to talk to her only for a few minutes before lights off.So these few days are important for us as i want to spend as much time as possible with her.

I love you. Thank you so much for your support.My 2.4 km run was filled with you in my head.

Take care people.God Speed.And remember,dreams do come true,only when you persevere.

Airborne! Airborne! Airborne!

Missing her...

2007-05-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

I'm missing her so bad, it hurts right now...

Cant wait to pose with her when she graduates in 6 months' time..

I love you..

A day of god's blessings..

2007-04-20T22:13:00.000+08:00

Today was the dreaded NCC HQ's airborne selection test.I went there nervous as hell,but i kept my cool,because I've had some experience in competitive races before and this is no different.It's a test of endurance and fitness.

Push Ups: 38

Pull Ups: 15

Sit Ups: 32

2.4 Km run: 11.08 mins

Hooray! I passed! But this is only the beginning.There's still the FFI to go to and another selection at Commando HQ at Hendon.But I'm anticipating airborne with open arms.

Why a day of god's blessings today? Apart from me passing the selection,my darling got her dreams fulfilled,to be a police officer!She got her letter today too! I'm so proud of her,now all of the waiting is over,the real training starts for her.But I know I'm going to miss her so much,especially at night.Thank God my family and I have an outing with her to K.L just a few days before her enlistment.Today is really a blessing for both of us.My prayers for her has been answered.

To all who went for the selection and didn't make it,don't despair,you can still go for the FFI and the Commando selection.Just more training and I know all of you can do it.

God Bless and God Speed..Alhamdullilah..

Airborne all the Way!..

2007-04-17T23:05:00.000+08:00

After a tumultuous,gut wrenching,never stopping anal retention and cortisol inducing 2 weeks,my immediate future has been decided;I'm going for the airborne selection in 2 days' time in HQ NCC and hopefully go through to the actual airborne course.A lot of credit has to go to my careperson in Temasek Poly,he did everything in his power to make sure i got the green light from the school to let me go.I guess my disappointed face last year on his rejection to let me go for the 185 BAC stuck with him.Another bonus was that my mid-sem tests would not be forfeited,unlike previously feared.Had the mid-sems be forfeited,I could have said goodbye to passing my exams and take supplementary papers.Fhew!

All this is just the break I need in life.I know Ain may not be happy with me being away for 3 whole weeks,but i know,deep in her heart,she's supporting me.I can literally hear her say,"jia Yoh!".hahaha

I plan to buy Ain,my careperson,my business school director,my course manager an airborne singlet each,to thank them personally for what they have done for me.When my careperson said "I know you have to go through 2 stringent tests to go to airborne.So i and the other lecturers hope you get in so that our efforts would not be in vain",I was so moved and by then I so determined to go no matter what it takes,just so that I would not disappoint and fail them.It would be an insult to all their efforts..

All I want is to spend time with Ain and my friends with the time I have left before I leave.

By 28th of June,I want my parents and Ain to be there to adorn me my Airborne wing..

To all those going for the selection,good luck guys..

God Bless,and God Speed..

Love you babe..

arsenal..

2007-04-04T11:49:00.000+08:00

If watching arsenal was an exercise in frowning, i reckon by the time I'm 30, I would have to undergo facial reconstruction surgery, thats how bad arsenal is playing now.

Am thinking whether to take up the army scholarship, 2 years of NS, 3 years becoming a regular and then maybe join the Singapore Police Force or the Prison Service. A change of scenery would be good. But I'm planning to take up a part time degree either in SIM or PSB, we need to constantly upgrade ourselves right?..

CDC, I'm coming for you next month, be prepared! (for those who think its the communicable disease centre, I'm referring to the comfort driving centre!)

Guy Laroche.. Ever heard of it b? Hehehe (41 more days to go..)

Crazy Coupling..

2007-03-22T10:55:00.000+08:00

At VivoCity

In the trains!

Jobs and Politics

2007-03-12T09:32:00.000+08:00

Was channel surfing last night when i stumbled upon this BBC debate programme about muslim females in Britain not integrating and generally not mixing around within the English community well just because of a right they exercise which is to wear a veil.

Whoever says wearing the veil hinders and prevents an individual from generally being accepted in the community is totally insane and unjustified.How can a thin piece of cloth ever hinder someone from putting across her ideas and how can it stop interaction with others? The sad truth is that ignorance,hypocrisy,double standards and a general lack of awareness and understanding is playing a part in this.I would never want my wife or child be subjected to this.Luckily Singapore is more pragmatic and more tolerant.Kudos to that.

Lest i make this post too political and depressing,ain has just went through her 2nd police interview.I'd imagine it must be so nerve wrecking for her.But knowing her,she'll pull through,i know she will.Now when i think of the future,when she's working in police force (god willing) and I'm still schooling,it'll be cool,in a weird way way.hahaha

Finding a job is ever so complicated.Is there a job where i can snooze all day and get paid? I'd love to do that!

Love you babe!

Cheers!

I.A! I.A! Double Feeding! Double Feeding!

2007-03-04T22:26:00.000+08:00

Finally,after less than 2 weeks of intensive (more like slacking in my case) studying,the exams are over! No more stressing over what to read,notes to write,things to remember. Its so liberating. So fun,but trust me,I'll have a change of heart over next few weeks,when i get bored with nothing to do.

The N.C.C camp was ok,it was fun,the cadets were ok,the CLT's were crazy as hell (including me,the chief of mischief of course!), overall it went well,considering it was just an in-school camp.The only problem was having trouble..relieving myself..haha,hence the title of this entry.Those who don't understand,too bad!

I just hope i can get my GPA up.I badly want to go to the Airborne course this june.I don't know why,but jumping out of a C-130 airplane in the still of the night just appeals to me,it says to my heart;jump crazy man! Jump!

Love you sweets..

JUMP FIRDOUS JUMP!

Exams..

2007-02-22T20:13:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since i last blogged.. haha.. been busy i guess.. ok, ok, maybe im just plain lazy..

I just came back from a long jog,and i feels real good. Its good you know,to just unwind,not think about the daily stresses and run, hear your legs and feet pound the road and feel your body ache. I needed to just get away from studying and just concentrate on something else. Tomorrow is the official start of my exams, 5 papers in all, and i hope i can do well. Maybe accounting is challenging, but I'll try my best. Its all in the mind.. woozaa..

My girl is watching the movies as i type at Vivo, i think the show about the fat woman running around or doing something. She's with her brother and her brother's girlfriend. Better for her to go out with a guy thats actually her brother than any other dude. hhahaha.

In between my freedom and me is 5 exam papers. After 2 March will be slacking time! Oh,actually, it'll be dating time! and Running time! Woohoo!

Good luck to all T06 dudes and dudettes..

A month in a glance...

2007-01-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

Its official; I suck in accounting,a paltry 19.5/50...kwang kwang kwang..

On a lighter note,I just received my certificate of participation for my marathon! Super Cool!

Me and Ain are now swimming partners. I think training with each other will help motivate us. And it lets me spend more time with her,because im always busy with school and she has her job too. So its a win win situation for us.Cool!

Me with ain,on the way to Jurong West Aquatic Centre (Read: Swimming Pool lah!)

Ain and I also met up with our ITE dudes and we enjoyed ourselves at Seoul Garden Marina Square. And it helped as ain gave me a treat! Woohoo! Next up,chalet!

So full,yet hungry for more!

I hope you get the police offer babe,then you'll be able to fulfill your dreams as a police officer..and you can handcuff me all you want! Yahoo!

Its been a while...

2007-01-18T21:26:00.000+08:00

Oh my God! Its like,2 months since i updated my blog! And like,there's like,so much that has happened,i like,dont know where to begin. Ok,ok,lets drop the blonde thing,its getting too gay.hahaha

Ok,1st up,give it up to my girlfriend,ain! Woohoo! She managed to surprise me on by birthday! She said she was going home,when in fact,she collaborated with my friends to surprise me under Molly's block. I was super duper to the max hardcore shocked,really,eventhough my face didnt show. I have a poker face you see..hehehehe..here are the pics!

The card is bigger than my body! Kewl!

The gang

Enjoy the cake..before it ends up on your face!

The card..so sweet of ain..

Her prezzie for me,1 of the 3..I use it for my lifeguard training now..super kewl!

Our hot date at Marina Square's Swensen..Yummy!

Standard Chartered Marathon..

2006-12-05T08:32:00.000+08:00

Simply put,it changed my outlook on life.The run almost took all of my strength,but i survived.

I woke up at 3,prepared and got a lift from my friend's car.We reached the padang at around 545.Little did i know or anticipate the adventure i was going to have.

Flag off!It started off well for me,i paced myself and before i knew it,i was at the 10 km mark without even breaking a sweat.Instead i enjoyed the atmostphere and took in the sights.However,things went for the worse when i injured my right foot at the 17 km mark.I could barely walk.I tried soldering on,but the pain was unbearable.The medic came to me,and told me straight up 'i dont think you should continue with the race.You damaged and twisted your nerve.Ive contacted the ambulance to pick you up and send you to the finishing line'.I asked her what time it already was,and she said 8am.Then i made up my mind,i was going to finish the race,pain or no pain.I told her i was going to finish the race,and her look betrayed her.She was shocked.She tried to convince me a couple more times to not race,but i wouldnt hear any of it.I remembered what the emcee said beforehand,they will wait till the last marathoner finishes,no matter what his time is.I told the medic to patch me up,to wrap a bandage around me,and i limped off,walking slowly.The first few steps were very painful,but i dont know how to quit,thats what i am.I took my time,and the most heartwarming thing was that,like ain said,other marathoners knew and shared my pain,so some came up to me and gave me pats on the back,the thumbs up and gave me encouraging words.

By the time i reached east coast,it was 9 am.I knew i couldnt walk all the way.There was no honour in walking when this is a running competition.I attempted to run 3 times but each time the pain was unbearable.But the 4th attempt was successful,and i slowly joged in a limping position all through east coast and back.I had to stop when the pain got too much,but i continued to run till the finishing line,with a time of 5 hours and 56 mins.That was the most exhilirating and most arduous and painful experience in my entire life.I sprinted at the last 100 metres,ignoring the pain.I was just thankful to God.Everytime i was in pain,i asked for strength from Him.

Its challenges like these that really sets the quitters and the determined apart.Getting the finisher's tee wasnt on my mind at all,but i constantly told myself,if i could finish this even injuries,i can conquer anything.It really opened my eyes to what i actually am and made of.Im proud of myself for not quiting.I took alot out of me but i persisted.Some say im hardheaded,that i stubborn.Even the medic said that.But i'd like to think of myself as having the no quit attitude.When the going gets tough,the tough get going.

You know its a big challenge when even the elite commandos have difficulty finishing the race.This challange really taught me more about myself,and i look forward to joining the marathon again next year.

I have to thank ain for giving me her undying support and encouragement.Everytime i was in pain,i thought about her,her words,her face,everything.She took her time to meet me after the race to congratulate me and when she said i was setting a good example for her,it really lifted my spirits,im actually doing something good not only for myself but for people around me that love me and support me,including my family.Nothing can beat the feeling of euphoria when you see your girlfriend after a hard race.She took my hand and aided me to walk.It must have been a funny sight! hahaha

One downside though,is that my injury will keep me out for at least a week.The doc gave me 2 days m.c but i know my body well,it recovers very fast.

I recommend anyone willing to test themselves to take up the challenge next year.See what you are made off.You'll be surprised to know how much stronger you are than you think.See what it feels like,the pain,the suffering,the muscles aching so bad you want to lay at the road,the adrenalin you feel when you see the finish line.Try it.You'll love it.I did

Thanks baby! Next year,we join together as a couple ok? ;)

Unexpected surprises..

2006-11-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

Race day is 5 days away and i get more and more excited everytime the day gets closer and closer.I hope i complete the 42 km race in less than 4 and a half hours.Thats my target.Im very result oriented liao.hahaha.I hope all my hard work bears fruit.This is by far the biggest physical challenge i will be facing in my entire 19 years and 11 months on this earth.It wont be easy,but the greatest achievement rarely is.

And what a surprise.Ain and my mother has given me the green light to get my 2B motorcycle license.What a relief.Its a huge burden lifted over my shoulders.I had been wondering how to tell ain about my ambition to get a 2B license and even possibly a class 2 license in the future.But now my priority is simple.I want to complete my marathon,get certification to become a lifeguard and study hard,and of course,my relationship with ain is very important to me.Only when i have a part time job as a lifeguard will i consider taking up the license.That is of course,unless my father bankrolls my dream,in which i would then enrol immediately.hahaha

By the way,if you havent notice,im also signing up to be a part time lifeguard.And i was super glad that i was able to swim 250 meters non stop breast stroke style,without breaking a sweat.Its just a morale booster being able to know that you've exceeded the requirement for the course.Now its just me completing the course and getting the certification to become a lifeguard.Its a noble cause you know,the pay's great,and you get to slack,not to mention the skills you aquire in the process.

My 17 month anniversary is just hours away.Wait for my msg at 0000 hrs baby!

"I'd rather be in the field of greats than be in the field of the mediocre"

a facade..

2006-11-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

people see me in school,and they see this happy go lucky guy,always cracking jokes,playing the fool,generally a good guy.But what they dont know is the baggage that i've brought ever since i was in primary school till ITE.

I want to change,to turn into a new leaf.Thats why i thought being in poly might be a good way to start a new life by changing my personality.But sometimes,just repressing yourself makes it worse.I have my fair share of vices.Ever since i was young,i've cursed,got into fights alot,beaten people up,but i thought i could change.Only a handful of people know my life story and i want to keep it that way.But things just comes to a head when i am provoked.I turn to my alter ego,the one in trying to refrain myself from turning into when i'm incensed or very upset.My angry face,what i like to call my 'game face',is something that i dont want people to see.It scares the living daylights out of people,and it scares me too.Thats why i like to smile,laugh and joke around so that i wont turn to a monster.But when people piss me off,just like this morning (which i wont go into),it turns me off,it just stokes my fire of hatred.And then i turn to a monster.

Everyone has a facade,a fake image of themselves.We all do it,wether consciously or not.But i know who are sincere and who are not.I can read them like a book.

For now,i try to keep my cool,i dont want to revert to the person i was a few years ago,for i hope no one suffers at my hands again.I might be a good guy,but dont try me.You'll regret it.I promise you that.

And for all those fakers out there,watch out,the truth will come out,sooner or later.Drop the act.

A week in Review...

2006-11-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

Had a long thought about it,and really considered the pro's vs the con's of taking it up.But after much deliberation,i felt it would be most beneficial for me to take up the lifegaurd course after all.Its a lifetime skill and i might be able to take up part time employment as a lifeguard.The pay is good,$7 per hour.The most important thing now is to thank my ain,she helped me alot with all the logistical support and emotional support.Ever since i told her my interest to take up the lifeguard course,she has been nothing but supportive,even when i thought twice of joining it a few days ago.I owe you alot ;)

Ain and I met up with our close pals in IS 0407 O (i'm surprised i still remember my class!) and we had a blast,just like old times.We went to the movies to watch 'Step Up' at Lido Orchard(which btw,i give 3/5) and went window shopping at town.Went home close to midnight and was tired like a cow,but its been super fun.Oh the good ol' times..

Enjoy the pics! God Bless and God Speed!

Us at Orchard's Borders

Me looking quite...gay in police shades...

Our 1st ever visit to Vivocity...

Our Second visit to Vivocity...

May the force be with you! hehehe

Daddy a.k.a Neo

10 KM 2nd Link Bridge Run

2006-11-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

First of all,let me start by thanking my ain,for actually making the effort to wake up eventhough she had a long day yesterday just to wish me good luck and give me some huggies.And thanks to najib,for his motorbike and his oakley.The run was a blast!

Woke up at 5,got ready and got raring to go.Interesting enough,i didnt feel as nervous as compared to when i went to the New Balance Real Run Challange a few months ago.I guess i get more and more used to it when i participate more of such events.Got on Najib's bike,and luckily for me,i brought along and wore a windbreaker,as the cool (or cold!) winds at the PIE was chilling!We got lost but found our way in the end,with the help of some very friendly cisco officers.

Compared to the real run,this was a much smaller event,but still and fun and nerve-wrecking nonetheless.As the horns blared at 0800 hours sharp,i said a quick prayer and was on my way.The run was smooth-sailing,but the up slope at the bridge was killing alot of people,as alot of people practically quit there.I soldiered on,and when i was at the last 5 km,i knew i could finish it before 50 min.

My feet were in so much pain,especially when i sprinted at the last 200 meters,but i kept envisioning myself completing the race,and as soon as i crossed the finishing line,i heaved a sigh of relief.But sadly though,i missed out on the top 50,and that was kind of disappointing,but its ok,i'll be back next year,i promise.I didnt even got to see my time,so the agonising wait for the certificate with timing starts today.

Syukur alhamdullilah i got to meet ain,eventhough for a very short while.I thank god He let us meet,because if i made the decision to walk to tuas interchange or took the shuttle bus to jurong east interchange,i wouldnt be able to meet her ;)

Went home,took a bathe,ate,reflected on my run,and snored for 3 hours blissfully.

Now,Standard Chartered Marathon,here i come!

AVX7

2006-11-04T11:33:00.000+08:00

"Warmness On The Soul"

Your hazel green tint eyes watching every move I make.
And that feeling of doubt, it's erased.
I'll never feel alone again with you by my side.
You're the one, and in you I confide.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

And we have gone through good and bad times.
But your unconditional love was always on my mind.
You've been there from the start for me.
And your loves always been true as can be.
I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

I give my heart to you.
I give my heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to you.

Me and you,we have been through so so much together,it would be a waste if we gave up now.Lets stay strong of each other baby,because each other is all that we have.I love you.

The sweet,sour,and the bitter...

2006-10-24T15:45:00.000+08:00

1st of all.i'd like to wish every single muslim a happy hari raya.Dosent matter if you didnt fast,or cheated while fasting,what matters is that you get to celebrate hari raya.hahaha.This hari raya is a bit sombre for me,my dad's condition didnt allow us to travel,so we did the next best thing,stay at home.But its fun though,i get to do my favourite thing;slack!Insya allah i get to go hari raya'in this weekend.

Molly got into an unfortunate accident yesterday,and i came down to visit him as soon as i heard the news.Apparently,he broke his right leg in two places and had to be hospitalised and his leg screwed together using a metal rod.Lets all pray that he gets well soon.I hope he learns his lesson now.And i dont think his parents are going to let him ride a bike anytime soon,and this accident has just reconfirmed my parents and ain's desire not to let me get even a whiff of the motorcycle.I didnt take photos of him to respect his privacy,but i took pictures around his bed.

I watched with glee the show on suria '2 X 5 = Dol' It was sooooo damn funny,and the actress reminds me of ain,manja manja gitu! Hehehe.Im sure if ain watched it she would understand.

My return to TP was a blast,with me,muhammad and zahid continuing our mischevious ways,hollering at the lecturer and making a din in the theatre.It was like good old times,and although we might not see each other as often compared to last semester,im sure it'll still be fun.

Thats all for today folks! Cheerioz!

Time heals all wounds...

2006-10-19T16:18:00.000+08:00

Daddy was finally released from hospital yesterday,after a valiant fight with stroke.Fortunately,his motor skills aren't impared,only his train of thought suffers.I pray that he gets well soon and we all can laugh loud.You grow up idolising your father,seeing him as your own hero,taking care of you,carrying you to your bed when you fall asleep on the sofa.To see him now hurts me,but it strengthens my resolve to take care of him,and my family.I have to thank ain,for all the help and support she's given me,through thick and thin,telling me to be strong.She has her fair share of experience in dealing with stroke,and that day was the day i realised my mum and her was talking so so much.I think they hit it off really really well,chatting non stop.They even banded together and barred me from talking my 2B motorcycle licence.Darn it. There goes my plans! But i will have my revenge! Muahahaha Thanks baby!

Hocus Pocus...

2006-10-14T17:42:00.000+08:00

I dont believe in hocus pocus,i never did.But yesterday was an eye opener for me.Daddy has an illness and hence mummy decided to send daddy to a traditional malay massage therapist for some traditional healing.The place was quite far,jurong east to be exact,and the to and fro trip costs a bomb.But it was all worth it.There's been an improvement in daddy's overall motor skills.

I was expecting a eerie,scary and a hair-raising experience.And to a certain extent,it was that way initially.The house was dark from outside.And i expected an old,wrinkly old shaman to greet us,like the ones you see on TV,but this was a fun old man,and no shaman.Very chatty and friendly.He talked about birds (yeah,i know,beats me too) and stories he had encountered from massaging people.

Hope daddy gets well soon.

Oh ya,went out with ain two days ago.The ice cream and pasta was superb! Droolz! Had fun and was in a spanking mood! hahaha! Ask ain for clarifications! For more info,please visit her website.Im sure you'll drool too!

bugger!

2006-10-09T22:01:00.000+08:00

With the fasting month here,i didnt have the opportunity to train for the Standard Chartered 42km marathon this December.But im determined to make up for loss time and train my butt off in november and what little i have in December.Wish me luck!

Been down with bad case of the stomach flu.Well,i guess when you've not been sick for a really long time,one will invariably come and hit you smack in the face,and stomach,for my case.Been suffering all the cramps and the haze just leaves a bad taste in my mouth,both figuratively and literally.

Godfather and puffs

2006-10-05T20:14:00.000+08:00

Me and Ain @ SSC gathering at CCK.The Bonnie and Clyde,Mr and Mrs Smith.What Fun!

Went to Changi General Hospital just now to visit Ah Kong.He's in the Intensive Care Unit.Hope he gets well soon.I wonder if he still remembers me..hmm..

My Father,My Godfather..Not even Don Corleone can match him.Apparently he shaved his moustache and this is what's left.Now dosent that look cute?He shaved off at least 10 years of his age and look 40!

Been under the weather in the past 4 days,but went over the moon when i got to meet ain after 3 weeks.Its like a 1st date,but better! Ate puffs and pastries at OUR bench,under the spotlights at Jurong Point.What Bliss!

painting the town red...and green..

2006-10-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

Woke up today with an almighty headache.However groggy I was,I was determined to help papa with painting the house.I've been a really bad boy,never helping him paint the house or do any housewhole chores when i was younger.I know,i'm a really really really spoilt brat.but hey,every person deals with the cards he's been dealt with,and its not my fault God made me mummy and daddy's child.I'm just lucky,thats all.

So got up and got ready, bought 2 buckets of paint (red and green of course) and went home to start my masterpiece.It didnt go well at first,but hey,Da Vinci didnt become a great painter overnight,did he?Took my time and painted the house,delegating the tasks with papa and voila,the house is HALF done.hahaha.

We all make mistakes.I am fallible,a mere mortal.I was too harsh,I was a jerk,I know.

Nudges and Religion

2006-10-02T18:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it takes an almightly nudge to make a person see clearly in his life.

"apakah akan kamu buat jikalau ini adalah ramadan terakhir kamu?" *what would you do if this was your last fasting month in your life*. When these words met my ears and brain,i was truly enlightened.obviously we like to be pious,be religiously absorbed,but we are not motivated to.but those words motivated me to do more good.God knows the sins i've commited,the evil deeds that are thought out in my brain.They say the idle mind is the devil's workshop.so i hope lets not make our minds idle and we should all do something good.

Before i sound like those old grandfather regaling tales to his bored grandchildren,let me end my 1st post my wishing everyone a happy fasting month and an advanced hari raya.

peace out.